You are James Bond’s Sidekick
February 26th, 2010
in
Musings
How are you going to keep the nasty villain from feeding you to the sharks?
a. Carry Great White repellent with you at all times
b. Wait for the requisite monologue, during which you will pull out your handy-dandy dart gun and tranq the guy
c. Charm his girlfriend into pushing him into the tank first
d. Other (details pleeze!)
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February 26th, 2010 at 9:57 am
I will rely on my aquatic super powers and ability to speak great white so that the shark will just pretend to eat me and we will then trick the villain into stepping too close to the edge and the shark will lunge up and eat him instead. Along with the girlfriend. She has thick ankles anyway.And I’m sure that blonde hair is a dye job. For sure the boobs are fake! Oh! I hope that chowing down on “those” won’t hurt the poor shark!
February 26th, 2010 at 10:55 am
D) Other
I’d fake sick! If you pretend that you’re sick you’ve a great excuse to get to a bathroom. Then, if you need to, you can easily lead the thugs into the bathroom. Since, most of the time, it is a small space you can take them down. Then escape FAST!
February 26th, 2010 at 11:33 am
I’m so klutzy I’d trip into him and accidentially tip him in. Course I’d probably break something doing this. Plus I’d hope we’re not on a boat or i’d be so green if they did throw me in I’d probably sink in relief from being off the boat.
February 26th, 2010 at 11:33 am
Hey Jenn,
Number one is currently in advanced stages of development. Its called “Can of Death” (I kid you not.)
Essentially they were looking at the development after an Orca was found killing an eating a Great White. (The first recorded incident.) After the Great White’s death all of them (the Great Whites that is) in that area abandoned it. It was a fascinating documentary.
Personally I think the girlfriend shoving the guy in is the best method, just have to remember that if I’m the bad guy to have a collar installed on her such as the one that Jigsaw used in Saw 3 or the one on the prisoners in Running Man. That way if I go, the traitorous woman goes with me. Hahahaha. LOl
February 26th, 2010 at 11:47 am
LOL, Zita! Beeeautiful!!
Excellent plan, Nicole. You could call it your Gag gag.
I think you’re safe on land, Tori. But definitely next to the ocean. Don’t look at the waves!
Can of Death? OMG, Gareth. They really need to consult with people like us before they name these items!
February 26th, 2010 at 2:11 pm
d) My techie’d have provided me with a special powder. Once diluted in water it’d cause the sharks to feel so full that they won’t have the least inkling to eat me!
February 26th, 2010 at 4:16 pm
Easy- I’d toss him in myself, after dousing him in chum.
February 26th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
Tough choice, i think the best way would be to let him monologue a bit then call on the inbuilt bitching skills us girls have, belittle him (just like his mother probably did, to make him evil in the first place), then while he’s crying on the floor you can shove him in, or just leave him, because after this, he’ll be no use to anyone!
Obviously if he doesn’t react too well to this plan, you will always have a handsome variety of weapons to persuade him the tanks his best bet!
(I’m not really this evil i swear!)
February 27th, 2010 at 7:53 am
I am not that creative. I most likely pull a Jaz, and get freaking mad. I will be as loud I can be. Then the first chance I get I pull out my favorite gun and shoot him and the girlfriend of his. Next I would feed the shark. Nothing wrong in being thorough!
February 27th, 2010 at 11:49 am
I would pull some really cool martial arts trick and throw him into the water. Then I would shot him in the shoulder with a crossbow bolt, in order to call all of the sharks in a 10 mile radius.
February 27th, 2010 at 1:35 pm
I have amazing superpowers in which i can control the elements including lightning so i would whoosh all the water out of the surrounding area including the sharks and then i will strike the villian down with my lightening (which is kept in my hair) and his horrible gf (whose looks were perfectly described by Zita)
February 27th, 2010 at 3:05 pm
I think the best thing to do in this situation would be to play nice. You know how it is in those James Bond movies: the sidekicks are always really nasty and mean. My grandmother always said you get more flies with honey than vinegar.
So the plan is this: sweet talk the evil guy (he’s emotionally vulnerable so this would be relatively easy to do. most men are narcissitic and those bond baddies seem to be leading the world by example!) and then make him think you’re a better girlfriend than his own. Then he shoves his own girlfriend in and you shove him in after! When he tries to get out you grab him by his collar, lift him and punch him in the nose (we’ve got a bleeder here!)
Then you stand over him as the sharks come by, looking sexy and powerful in an amazing outfit- which has somehow managed to not get destroyed during this entire time- and make some witty, cutting remark like, “Don’t you know, the bad guy always gets bitten by a many-toothed animal!”
Okay, that line probably needs some help. ;>
February 27th, 2010 at 6:03 pm
Ok…first I’d like to say…Becky that was “great”…love the” bleeder here”
I’d start by flattering him. Telling him that I’ve never seen eyes, the colors of his, so that I could get him to look deep in to my eyes & hypnotize him. But he’s strong willed… so I have to find a way to trick him. I tell him that it’s a beautiful sunny day at the beach & look there’s a half naked mermaid in the water beckoning him to come and swim with her. (What can I say show most guys a set of boobs & their IQ drops below 007) Really it’s just the sharks slicking its chops…but he thinks it’s the mermaid smiling at him. He jumps in…becomes Chum…The shark burps… (Evil chick laugh) I walk of into the sunset….end of story.
One problem….if I remember in most of the Bond flicks, don’t all the side-kicks usually end up dead in some “Really” nasty way???
February 28th, 2010 at 2:39 am
I think my choice would be C. I mean, he would be so distracted by the idea of two hot women that he wouldn’t even notice being “accidently” pushed into the tank…
February 28th, 2010 at 4:04 am
I think that I would start to run away and then turn around and push the evil doer and his girlfriend (with thick ankles and fake boobs) into the Can of Death with the Great White! Thrash! Thrash! And it’s all over but the shark picking his teeth with the girl friend’s engagement ring.
February 28th, 2010 at 12:55 pm
I’d go for the girlfriend pushing him in – the reason for the thick ankles, bad hair, fake boobs and extremely bad outfit is that ‘she’ is really Bond in drag. (the villain is somewhat shortsighted obviously). I don’t recall Bond ever doing drag before – am I right? About time he got in touch with his feminine side anyway.
March 1st, 2010 at 2:30 am
D) I’d do a crazy-weirdo dance that’ll be even weirder because i cant dance, because this will confuse the villian. Then i shall push the villian in and make my escape
Just imagine the look on that villians face when i dance…. lol
March 1st, 2010 at 10:02 am
I’d knee him first then when he’s bent over gasping for air i’d shove him in and book feet trying to get away from him
March 2nd, 2010 at 8:26 am
Brilliant, Vale!
Excellent idea, Marissa. Happy shark, dum-dum, dum-dum, da-dum. (Have you heard that kid’s song? Hilarious.)
Ah, Sophie, I love the psychological tactics. So very effective!
So true, Diane. Plus you have a lot less mess to clean up afterward.
Because there’s nothing like a feeding frenzy to make your day, am I right, Bianca?
So I’m imagining your hair pretty much stands on end at all times, Carly? Pretty funky!
I wanna know where you shop, Becky. Or maybe I just need your genes. I’m famous for staining/ripping clothes the day after I buy them.
Lovely, Jennifer. Especially when you add the word “thrash.” Ahhh.
LOL, Jill! I’m for it!! If only to see if Bond could pull off the masculine while wearing three-inch heels.
Ah, diversionary tactics, and quite successful from the sound of it. I like it, Courtz!
I think it could work tayabah!
March 3rd, 2010 at 5:18 pm
First I’ll seduce him. Then when he’s close and his guard is down, I’ll stab him with the chopstick in my hair—preferably through the eye.
March 7th, 2010 at 1:56 pm
I would have “accidentally” ripped my shirt/bodice and while I was having hystarics my chest would be heaving (as a result of the hysterics) and I would ‘fall’ into Mister Evil Villain (of course screaming the entire time that I was too pretty to die) and take him down with a chop to the throat and a knee (or well places hard gripped hand) to the groin, and steal his weapon of choice, leaving the girlfriend to Mister Bond. ;P